THE CENTER MUST HOLD: ABOVE YOUR WISHES AND DESIRES; THE CENTER MUST HOLD

Each day we wake, it is our desire to achieve the best in the day. We leave so much to pass us by because of the many reservations we have. We fail to conquer the side of us that always tend to drug us behind.

There are always two forces inside man and their value cannot be undermined. There is one that pushes and one that pulls. There is one that wants to forgive and the other wants revenge. There is one that wants and one that does not want. Thus there is a perfect world of men.

One of these forces always prevails at a time giving satisfaction that is instate and leads to regrets. Sometimes it gives satisfaction that is instant permanent and lastly sometimes it gives hope for future satisfaction

Above this forces that are always at war inside every man, there is a lump. The burning glory of right, it is above immediate satisfaction and sometimes above all satisfaction. It is the light of purpose the knowing what you are doing on earth.

Ask yourself, if the world was revolving in your own hand and you get bored seeing it, would you drop it? As you speak today, only God is above you and you are the center of the world, does it now mean you always get your way?

There are shear forces of desire and wishes, sometimes despair, but always remember you are a leader. Someone depends on your choices, you may never know. That someone may be alive, or will be born years to come.

 So the center must hold, above your wishes and desires the center must hold.

OPPOSITE EMOTION

CHOICE OF GRATIFICATION

In our lives we always have a choice, and every choice gives some satisfaction. All depends on the satisfaction we choose and the cost of each satisfaction.

Broadly I can say there is immediate satisfaction and delayed satisfaction. Immediate satisfaction normally calls for little time for evaluation and always has to do with the cost in tomorrow. Delayed satisfaction pays today and earns tomorrow.

Choice of  delayed satisfaction normally earns triple the pleasure of immediate satisfaction. It earns from the pleasure of knowing you have chosen rightly, the pleasure of expectation and lastly it earns from the success that comes with it.

Delayed satisfaction actually seeks deeper satisfaction with self. The deeper knowledge of self management and choice is good for personal growth.

Delayed satisfaction is actually healing to the mind. You feel much better and happier when you know you have chosen well. Mostly happens when you have chosen to overlook your impulses, to look at the deeper satisfactions.

AWAKENING

Can you remember the first day you saw the world and felt like, “I am really part of this business called living.”

I don’t know if you can, but for me it was like waking from a deep sleep. A sleep whose beginning I do not know into a kind of wakefulness where reality is so real. I call it the wake from the fore eternity. I cannot say much about the dawn and the morning of my awakening, but I realized I was awake and present. Then time and events begun being clearer as time progressed. Life became a bit scary, because I realized that I was in a place. I was a being, no longer the being who was nothing.

It was like a candle lit inside the darkness inside, and a path showed up. The path divided into confusing paths, some leading to darkness but one leading to light. But all these paths that divided came back to the original candle lit path. The other paths left me pained and bothered, but all my peace was in this candle lit path.

The many paths were desires, wishes and dreams, the real path was purpose. I realized that the inner eye could see delicate possibilities. It lit the inner body and existence. It was never dark even when there was a perfect darkness on earth. I was afraid of darkness when lights were switched off, but I came to realize that it was the best time to look with my inner eye. The other paths only blinded the sight of the eye.

This eye is consciousness, the deep awareness of who you are. There are a thousand ways to look at this but only one is true. There is great peace in seeing with the inner eye. You do not need faith to see through it; you just need to know that your own mind can see through you. And look for a purpose in your life and your eyes will open to another world inside you. Immediately you will begin to grow from within. Grow in purpose to be at the head of changing the world beginning with you.

You will realize that we interact from within but meet from without. You will also realize that the deepest and most important part of an encounter is not physical but deep within. Lastly you will realize that the things that cannot be seen by the eyes on your fore head are not the most important, the unseen are of the greatest value. For inside we are unseen, and that is where we are.

Purpose

It is indeed confusing to find out why you really are here. Why your mother and father wanted you here, or why your God saw you fit for existence. Was it for some kind of amusement? If you were meant for a purpose, what is it?

Why did you have to rise from the earth, why could you just remain formless, nameless and unknown? This is the path of true wealth. Because to unknown we will still go, back to the earth from whence we came. It is our duty, sole duty to awaken to this truth, truth that we were to serve God, but that is only possible to do if we serve life and more the people in it.

From that unknown I came, to my faith I go. But I live a lit life inside.

I WILL BE WAITING IN TOMORROW

This book is intended to wake your imagination on time and your concept of tomorrow. It will wake your thoughts on the beauty of life. For life is but time.

This book will help you think of how to live best in the present without neglecting the possibilities of tomorrow.

http://www.bookrix.com/_ebook-antanabell-sol-i-will-be-waiting-in-tomorrow/

APPRECIATE THE PRESENT TOO

Many people have a natural tendency of looking at the past and thinking that they were happier, much better off. Another tendency is that of looking at the future as more hopeful which is good for the mental health of a person.

The problem is not with thinking of the beauty of the past or looking at the future with optimism. The problem is the perspective that a person may have of the present. People who tend to look at the beauty of the past and the hope of the future normally tend to think of the present as the worst point of time to be in.

If you take a rational perspective of this, you will find out that the past you appreciate created the present you live. The present you curse will soon be birthing the future you hope for.

The most important thing every person must do is appreciate the past, accept the present and most importantly, create the future. I normally say that we live in an eternal present.

HOW TO BE RATIONAL WHEN MAKING EMOTIONAL DECISIONS

Many times you will hear someone telling you when you get into an argument that “Don’t get emotional”. So you ask yourself that what is the line that separates being rational from being emotional. Yet the truth of the matter is that all that we do is to satisfy our sentiments.

All choices are emotional choices, from the choice of a spouse to the choice of a career. Otherwise all of us would be satisfied with our jobs. We would not need big houses, we would be satisfied with simple jobs and life would not have pleasures. 

Emotions cannot be ignored when considering the development of the civilization we see. Emotions drive beauty and most of the human wants are but impulses propelled by emotions. Without emotions there would fundamentally be no need for reason. Simply let us say it would be rational to walk along equatorial coast lines at noon naked and be heavily clothed in colder places. Yet when we come to a decision to put on a particular clothe we think of our appearance before people sometimes even before our comfort. Critically evaluating this, should we not consider comfort only?

Reason is essentially a tool to help us achieve our emotional needs. Emotions determine our mental, physical and social well being which caring for is very important. These emotions give us our variety and all we value as human being.

Basically, there is no reason without emotions. The apes prove more intelligent than other animals just because they relate more closely to human emotions. It is probable that our emotions make us as intelligent as we are.

It is important to know that decisions are basically choices to make to meet emotional need of the people on the basis of cost and benefit. The cost of each decision is weighed depending on the extent of emotional suffering of self and the people around.

Wise businesses look into the emotional use as the rational use of their products. Successes in most businesses through history depended heavily on emotions just as today. I am inclined to believe that emotions have always been the drivers of socioeconomic changes.

 Emotions cannot be switched on and off at will. We have to learn to deal with them since they are as dangerous as they are important.  They can easily get out of hand and impair our decision resulting into a long time of regret.

Being emotional yet rational

It is important that we come to terms that all our choices, big and small will be emotional. In understanding that fact we ought to conduct our personal emotional evaluation and find out when they are not being helpful.

Master the art of delayed gratification, and choice of gratification. You have to understand the value you will get from the choice you make and the emotional consequences that choice will have. Consider the duration the consequence will take.

Understand that all our decisions will always give us satisfaction for a moment, doubt or regret. So the only conclusive truth I will tell you is this. There are as many outcomes for all emotions as there are people on earth. These emotions and responses change more frequently than we sometimes can explain. They are more complex than anything you can ever imagine, but you have to learn and tame this wild stallion and ride on it to the highest mountain of satisfaction it can take you. 

There is no one perfect way guide of dealing with emotions, but you have to find a way to deal with your own horse and ride.

FACING TOMORROW WITH OPTIMISM

I once met a phrase that said; if life served you lemons you should create lemonades. No situation in this world comes without an opportunity.  The Chinese have a proverb that says; crisis is an opportunity riding on dangerous winds. Instead of sulking and sitting back we should be more adventurous to look for opportunities in unimaginable places.

However this takes some effort to rise above the feeling of despair and walk into the dangerous winds where your opportunities are. The truth is that most people who made it to their greatest height had a moment of crisis that made them rise to that spot you and me admire.

Tomorrow is a dream for all of us, however depending on whether you are optimistic or not. It will be a sweet dream or a nightmare.

 You may wonder what a man can do to change his attitude from despair to that one who is optimistic. You can try to do this as you go on facing the turbulent situation that you are in.
These are some things we can do to improve our tomorrow despite the situation of today.

Get a grip of yourself:
Accept that the situation is not good but it does not have to worry you because it cannot be that way forever. Have hope and believe that in that desperate situation there is possibly a way to whatever goal you desire to walk to.

Try to feel content:
Try to feel content but not complacent; by that, I mean that you should accept that if you are alive and still able to work you can still find a way out. Accept it ambitiously; accept it with a better focus on the future. Try to find even the smallest possibility of success and follow it till you find where it leads you to.

Set goals, little achievable goal:
It is the most important part that helps a person to strengthen belief in self. When you set goals, and you achieve them step by step, then you start seeing yourself as a winner. Achieving a goal, however little is the first step towards achieving greater goals. It is training and a conditioning that makes you believe in your ability to succeed.

Envision yourself where you desire to be:      
This is the best part; believe you will enjoy living. This with the tiny possible goals you have set put you forward for achieving success and leading a happier life.


Know the mission of your life:
This gives you the light of your day. It gives you a reason to exist in each day in the pursuit of your life goals. For instance, your life can make improving your social relations the mission of your life, being economically stable. This is in line with your long time vision, the life you ultimately desire.
Find the tactics that will lead you home:
Get the mechanism to approach the goal you desire to achieve. Do them in the order the success they give to you and satisfaction. You can always try to put the things you enjoy the last for two reasons. The first is that they can waste your time. The second is that they relieve the possible you may have had the whole day.
Start walking steadily knowing where you are headed:

Start walking to your destination steadily. Whatever you do, know where you are headed.

DISCIPLINE

Discipline is the most widely said word in the world. Everyone desires to have around them people who are disciplined. Very few people teach their hearts to live a life of discipline. Many would like to have it, but very few will follow the path that leads to it. This is because discipline means giving up things that that satisfy impulses.

Discipline is self-training so that you lead a well-regulated purpose achieving life. Discipline is taking a straight path that leads to achieving your greater goal and purpose. A disciplined life is living right with the society and right with yourself always keeping your eyes focused on your goal.

Discipline leads to an honest living, discipline walks with diligence, and the two lead to a cave of great treasures. Many people say that life is hard, but it was long discovered that making a choice and not turning back from it takes away a good chunk the burdens of life caused by indecision making life easier. But some tend to think this life is rather boring till they pay for the consequence of the lack of it.

What do you do when you are most alone, when only you and He who made you are the only one watching? How long do you take to make a choice, and are you able to own the consequences of your choices? Discipline requires a person to be able to do all the three.

Do your actions match your secret thoughts? Can you tame your evil side for the sake of good, right and truth? That is discipline, and it shall lead you on a straight path that shall not fail you. You should check your heart to achieve discipline. All of us are on earth for a time. Discipline makes us enjoy our time here.

Discipline requires that we overcome impulse and engage reason. It requires us to do what we have to do above what we wish to do. Disciple is a path of choice and it takes a choice to take. Discipline means to overcome self to lead a life of a specific purpose. A higher purpose that you can trace from the time you made a choice to live a life of discipline to the day you die.

To make a choice you have to be conscious. As conscious and as certain of the choices you make as the things you touch and see. Know and feel your choices and actions as solid matter. See your purpose and goal as a concrete object not a mere imagination.


Have faith in the choice you make, and the purpose that made you take it. Choose discipline above fine gold. Choose it above all wealth.

BE HAPPY

My job did not have to be my dream job for me to find joy in it. My dream job is worth pursuing, but I should not be sad because it is not yet here. Actual joy comes from the heart and I am always in the company of mine. All I need to find is a motivation that keeps me waking up happy enough to face anything and to me that is giving happiness to the world.

Same for everyone in the world, joy in your work is in you. Just give it a face; its face could be feeding your children, having a home, or that one thing at the back of your mind.

Before you start doing anything, you should know to what end you are doing that which you are doing. In that end you should find your fulfillment and your joy. I don’t understand what magic joy works to make a person to achieve great success. Anything that you do joyfully normally has great results. If your joy is in excellence you try to achieve excellence in very intricate details.

Pleasure in your work can be achieved by setting your heart on the results you expect. It is like rock climbing, you set your heart on the achievement ahead of you. So the work actually becomes enjoyable.

Learn to see success in little details, and you will enjoy seeing that great success. You will never get bored if you focus on the end but look into the end of each detail. Just think of your work as the best part of your life.

Be happy; don’t care about what you missed. Enjoy climbing your rock, take pleasure in each rise but know the actual joy is at the top of it.

DIVINE WAR IN EVERY MAN: GOOD VS EVIL

I am a mild man, who avoids doing things that are worthy of scorn. That is just me, but I begun writing this article when it occurred to me that I sometimes feels like doing things that are truly atrocious. It also occurred to me that I sometimes do things that I strongly think are evil.

After that I conducted a small investigation and came to a conclusion that in every human there is potential for good as strong as the potential for evil. This two are like a buffalo and a lion trying to survive in the same savanna. And each wins at one point or another, when each one wins we feel a sense of satisfaction that I so often would like to call gratification.

 There is this strong desire to satisfy our canal needs that sometimes we even feel that our moral obligations are such a heavy burden to bear. Evil is this ferry god mother who gives you what you want when you want it. Evil is self pleasure at the cost of societal pain that finally returns to you a hundred folds. When you have caused pain to another, you never know how many more in secret have shared in the pain.

On the other hand, fulfillment of good normally gives longer gratification. It leaves your mind free from guilt. It is the true living of a moment at a time; this is possible because you are less likely to dwell in the past. When you think of it however it is a positive motivation that encourages you to face the future.

All the days of our lives from childhood to death we have a choice to do good or evil. Evil as good is a conscious choice to make even unto death. There is no man who is evil just because he is himself or good because he is himself. It is a choice, and each independent action is a separate determinant of whether a person is good or evil.

I always would like to think that good is from your spirit and evil from your flesh. The mind is the conduit for the expression of both. Evil as good is a conscious choice and either of them pursued without faltering leads to eternal sleep which is the common end of man. Choosing to do good is the highest calling for all humanity. Evil on the other hand gratifies only one person but it breaks the threads that hold the society together.

There is no good without consciousness or evil without consciousness. Without consciousness and choice they are simply boons and disasters. But with conscious thinking and awareness of the end result of a choice, it becomes good or evil.

You and me both have the choice of doing good or evil placed before us. It is only you that can mae that choice. With this nowledge you have enough information and awareness to monitor your desire and will, BUT AS YOUR FRIEND, I call upon you today to pursue good at all cost to enjoy a better life.

HEALING POWER OF FORGIVENESS

 It is natural for human being to offend us as it is also natural to feel angry when they do so. We naturally feel the need to revenge believing that it is the only just course to go about an offence. Anger is emotionally stressing for us and not letting go of it naturally comes with all stress related health problems.

Anger if held for too long can result into depression that can even turn to clinical depression. Anger like any other stressing emotions requires the afflicted person to find a way to cope with it. A possible way to deal with it is revenge, but it is unfortunate to discover that this coping mechanism may result into a vicious circle of revenge. Another possible way of dealing with anger is forgiveness, it may take some time to forget but this method relieves absolutely.

I do not have better way to define well being other than a sound state of physical, mental and social health. To say that you are experiencing well being, you need to be free from disease physically, mentally comfortable and socially have healthy relationships.

Your mental health is closely woven and depends heavily on your social health. To be mentally well you need to have a good social support network to help you cope with some problems in life. To have healthy social relation with the backdrop of many offences;forgiveness is necessary. To have a relationship we need love, but we cannot love people because they never make mistakes. We love them because we are able to forgive them when they are wrong.

Being alone most of the time and casting away relationships because of your unforgiving nature is an undoing to your mental health. Stressed state of mind is also a predisposition for an unhealthy body.

Have you ever asked yourself the number of times you have offended others and asked or wished for their forgiveness? Is it not comforting to know that you do not enjoy the monopoly of making people happy and that you have your fair share of the people you have annoyed? Is this reflection not a good reason to forgive those who offend you?

We also have our own failings in life that show up most of the time. We have enough reason to blame and condemn our selves. But that with each passing day after the crime on self becomes less valuable. The cost of maintaining self blame is higher than the cost of facing the future the way it has reshaped its self.

The whole purpose of guilt and remorse should be for your learning. Remember the past only as a teacher not a punishment. Otherwise you lose strength and focus that you need to achieve your life goals.

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

When offended by another

Take your time, as much time you need to overcome the burdens that you carry. Give up your choice to revenge and start getting over the pain as a slow process. Accept that you were offended and that you want to get over it.

Decide in your mind that your action of choice is not revenge or contempt. Think about it and if there is need, you may talk to the offender, especially if two of you are in talking terms. Remember that some people made the error you are hungry about and are very sorry. You need to forgive them to heal your own self

When you blame your self

If it is yourself you have to forgive, it may take some time. But the first thing you should try doing is writing a list of things that you do or are that make you proud of yourself.  Look at them and try to think of them as a good purpose to forgive yourself and continue with your good work.

Deal with the problem; if you need to ask for forgiveness please do. If it calls for change, positively think of changing. If you feel a little bit incompetent, you can take your time to improve.

Focus on the future and what you have to do next time. Not in the past and what is done.

Today try hard to find in your heart a way to forgive those who offend you for your own sake or even yourself.

Focus on forgiveness.

LOVE IS OUR GREATEST RESPONSIBILITY

Love is our greatest responsibility as human being. Life expects us all to love everything around us unconditionally. Without love everything would fall apart, we would not preserve each other and protect human race from extinction. Without love lions would not live in pride and wolves would not live in packs. Without love many of us would never have seen the light of day.

Love is far greater than the emotions we tend to think it is. Love is a conscious choice to act right towards another human being and everything in our environment. It is a choice that we have to make and act upon. We have to decide to share our resources, to listen to the worries of our friends. In return we get people who can listen to our pains, support us when we are broken and sometimes just give us a good company. It is our duty to see the destruction we are causing on planet earth and decide to preserve it.

To justify the claim that love is a conscious choice, I will give you a short mental experiment. This is your question: Have you ever considered that you love yourself?  If you ever have; have you ever felt strong emotions towards yourself the same as the one you feel towards your lover? Probably you have never felt the same. But I tend to believe that you have always wanted the best for yourself.  You have probably avoided things that cause harm to yourself. That is love.

Most people tend to think love is only associated with the romantic emotions they experience when they have a crush. So they always get perplexed on why love is over, it is not love that is over. It is the crush that is over. That is truly when love begins, because your mind is fully done with getting confused and is ready to handle the responsibility that comes with loving.

The same comes for love for your environment and animals. You should feel a profound sense of responsibility to preserve and protect them.  Taking simple measures like conserving water, planting trees and donating money for charity is a show of deep and true love.

Someone once wrote in a movie script that love begins when the flames of loving have died down. I agree with him because love begins when the deep emotions are truly over but all that is left is their ashes. The deep profound responsibility towards the one you feel love towards or whatever you love so much. Love is the strong desire to protect, preserve or even make better who or what you love.

Has it ever occurred to you that only by giving love do you get love in return? So if you love you shall be loved back.

CURRENCIES OF LIFE

Have you ever wondered the last statements that people tell themselves when they are about to pass on? I once had an opportunity to ask myself such a question and a chance to read about it.I will share with you some of my thoughts and findings.

People value relationships
more than anything theyhave

I thought these questions would be determined by the dreams and desires people have in life. But it came to me as a surprise that people hardly say “I wish I made million dollars.”  Instead most people wish to have lived better lives and spent more quality time with the people they are leaving behind.

People value relationships more than anything they have. Most of the times people overlook this fact and put the better part their effort towards making money. They seem to consistently forget that man makes money but money does not make a man. All the things people poses are for others to either benefit from them or see.

All we truly need is regular meals, a bed to sleep in, clothes and medicine. Then why do we strive to create millions and billions. If we can find the answer to that, a lot of our problems can be lifted from our shoulders.

 The value of time increases
depending on how we spend
it not in how much we have it.

I will not overlook the value of making millions of dollars, pounds, rand or shillings. But I will always advice that during the creation of economic currency, we should not destroy the social currency that we have. We should preserve the relationships we have at the highest cost. More so with those people who have contributed to the rise of our status and those we consider close.

There are life currencies that we spend  all the times; sometimes even without thinking of them as such. One is time, the second is social connection and lastly money we earn from our work. People are the very basic reason why we create goods and services, without them there is no money. These same people know where opportunities are and they connections to what we are looking for. Sometimes in their minds lie the solutions to our most troublesome problems. Once somebody told me that the people around us are the doors to our destiny.

The value of time as a life currency  increases depending on how we spend it not in how much we have it. It is actually the most important resource. It determines the value of relationships as currencies as well as money as currency. If you spend quality time with your family you are bound to have a rich relationship, similar for friends. If you spend valuable time at a moneymaking venture you will make money.

The last currency I will write about is money. It determines your ability to lead a comfortable life and buy the basics of living.  The time currency and relationship currency determine whether we are able to earn money.

The value of all these currencies depend more on how you spend them. If you spend them carelessly they diminish in value, but if you spend them well they argument each other.

SOME TOOLS OF THE MIND

What do you see when you close your eyes or when you are in complete darkness? That will be your reality.

Most of the human troubles are caused by their own thoughts. The mind will tell you things that have no proof. Sometimes your mind may even tell you what another person is thinking. Sometimes you may imagine that another is mocking you or is proud of you.  When your mind tells you these things, there is a possibility that it is true but there is also equal possibility that it is all but your imagination.

The same mind has the ability to make you extremely happy. It can focus on the activities you have to do and the joy of it.

The mind is a tool for success and a conduit for enjoying life. It is the only pipe that allows us to experience life. Life passes in and out through our minds. It is actually the only part of our human existence that tells us of our experiences.

The mind being a tool has special features that keep it useful.  One such feature is the ability to filter; it naturally filters a lot of information each day without you knowing. Have you ever stared in a particular direction without really perceiving what is really in front of you until suddenly something that calls for your attention then you find yourself suddenly alert?  If that has ever happened to you then you understand me right.

The ability to filter aids the mind to overcome pain and stress. It also helps the mind discard sort information in accordance to their value in your life. The mind sometimes automatically locks out things that cause trauma. It can also help you when you consciously decide to use it.You can can employ it to eliminate the fear that comes when you have to take action, you can use it to overcome shame and other emotions and thoughts you desire to overcome. It takes sometime but it actually helps.

Another important feature is the ability to focus. This feature is the most important when you intend to achieve goals in life. This feature heavily depends on the ability to imagine. Imagination can paint the goal ahead of you and keep you on truck. The ability to imagine is the foundation for solution of most complex problems in life. It is also the ability that creates new knowledge for our use.

Our imaginations are the doors that paint perfection, though we may never achieve the ultimate perfection in one go, but imagination can slowly lead us. It is only what we can imagine that we can investigate to find the facts that lie behind it. It is only that which we can imagine that we can create for our use.

We interact in the deepest parts of us in imaginations. We need it to interact with all aspects of nature, and live comfortably. We read subtle signals and communicate with our ego through imagination. This gives us either pleasure or pain that we can interpret as pleasure, pain, or indifference. The looks of the eyes, the words we are told, the clothes we wear are all interpreted by our imagination and influence our response. We imagine that sitting in a particular place will make you feel happy or sad. You imagine that someone loves you or hate you; you imagine the possibilities of a great invention. It is all we call creativity and it is our eyes from inside.

Merging the three aspects of the mind is the key to a happy life. You can filter out things that are less important to the goals you aim to achieve. You can control your imagination to avoid lower thoughts such as what would people think of when you take an action that you have seen as morally right and appropriate to achieve your goals.

You can imagine the beauty of your success and focus on achieving it.

You can dare imagine and do things like they have never been done before. Imagine, do not lock yourself. Open up to the world of unlimited possibilities, you can imagine the impossible.

What do you see when you close your eyes or when you are in complete darkness? That will be your reality.

THE PRICE OF PLEASURE

Giving up the things that excite us for while for a success that we perceive to be the greater goal is the ideal joy of life.

Life is easy if only you ignore taking the easier path and make action even if it is hard. There is a price that you will have to pay if you are to succeed. Success is basically what you call it because it is only you who gets fulfilled. 

The path to success and true gratification is full of things you have to do as opposed to things you wish to do. Yet at the end of the journey you find fulfillment. The first thing I was ever told about success in life was to follow my passion. But the time I started pursuing my passion, I found out that it was all but work and if I would follow my passion to the ultimate success, sometimes I would have to give up on pleasurable things like sleep.

Giving up the things that excite us for while for a success that we perceive to be the greater goal is the ideal joy of life. It is all like a game, when you are playing a puzzle, you seem to find joy in the little milestone but a sense of true contentment when you are done. Let us take example of a marathon race, very few find it pleasurable to run the miles but they find gratification in the medal. Giving up junk food to remain a supermodel seems worth the cost.

You must learn to set your eyes on the prize, and the walk to the goal will be pleasurable. When slaves begun seeking emancipation they risked everything for the possibility of walking in a free world. Some died but during their fight they set their eyes on their highest attainable goal which was freedom.

STAND OUT AND THEY WILL FIT IN

You may have ever had the feeling to please someone desperately. You may also have found yourself in a place where you feel like you have to make a choice between doing something that you feel that you have to do and doing something that someone wishes you to do. It feels like it is a hard choice if it is someone who you wish to make happy.

Learn to be as comfortable alone as you are in the company of your friends. 

A time comes when your joy comes from your achievements. You start achievements then you realize that you have to sometimes act as you deem right to achieve your goals. This is a very important step towards independence. Remember that being able to support your self is your greatest contribution to the society.

It is natural at any point in life to feel the need to be the alpha (influential person, leader, head). Just like you, the people around you have the same desire to be the alpha. Naturally they will try to make you follow them most of the time to satisfy this desire. But you should always remember that the most important thing is to make yourself independent. No man is an island but try all the possible times to be an island. Let people follow you and fit your description of friend and choose among your friends those who are as independent as you.

Do not always be the one to follow, learn to be alone. Then slowly people will learn to follow you, do not be the one to always take example of others, and sometimes be the one setting the example.  Just be yourself. Allow yourself to listen to advice but take actions whose consequences you are 100% ready to handle.

Do not be hard and unconcerned about others, but have a few things that you hold close and you would not give them up. Let people identify you with them, whether you fit in or not. You now things that are truly right, you can follow when someone is truly right and it is the right time to.

Most of the problems people sort are caused by the fear to be alone. If you can see that the choice is independent as much as you make it to fit in you can be liberated. You may start binge drinking as a group and all of you become alcoholics, but each of you will be dealing with the problem individually.  You may plan a robbery and get arrested together but the impact of the problem that you seemingly share is very individual.

People also tend to question the wisdom of people who have independent minds. If you can think and act as an individual, then you are truly free and you are a leader worth following.

Learn to be as comfortable alone as you are in the company of your friends. Times come when making that independent choice that separates you from others is key.

People follow leaders, stand out and they will strive to fit in.

DEALING WITH DESPAIR

Many of the people reading this post are familiar with despair. That feeling of not going on with whatever you are doing. This feeling can be strong enough to lead a person to give up on life and opt to conclude it or just mild and can last only for a few days, a few hours, a few minutes or a few seconds.

The very foundation of this feeling is a state of crushed optimism. There are times when despair is actually helpful, but there are times when it is not a question. Despairing when you are in an abusive relationship can be a beginning to search for a good relationship. Sometimes giving in to despair can open your eyes to new hope.

However you must know that there are some things you should never despair about; living and yourself. If you do that you are slowly getting destroyed. You can despair about the methods you use to achieve your goals that you hold so dear if they have consistently failed you but never despair about the goal. There are many ways of killing a rat, you can sit on it, and you can set a trap or poison it. You can despair on killing a rat by sitting on it but not killing the rat. You can despair in keeping a relationship where you are being abused, but never give up on enjoying new relationships.

No emotion in a man is valueless even despair is valuable; the most important thing is how to deal with the emotion. Do not fear the feeling of despair, but fear the feeling of despair on your life goals, yourself and life. Despair on your life, yourself or your goals can destroy and make you lose a lot.

Despair has only one remedy; hope. Hope is the possibility of success even when it seems impossible to attain. It takes away the despair and keeps you moving. It is not wrong to fail to achieve a goal using a particular method; your success can come through another method.

To gain hope when despair has set in, you can possibly accept it and allow it to settle. Then take a positive look at it. Look at what caused it and what you can do about it then face your despair. Above everything look at the possibility of you achieving the goal you set out to achieve.

Do not lie to yourself that that you are facing a desperate situation, but take conscious steps to live normally. Most importantly take your time to eat, play and talk as usual. Take deliberate actions to act normally with people. When there is great need, tell people you are bound to deal with that you are dealing with a situation. When you act normally the internal body acts in a way to support this positive life and feeling. That way you will overcome despair.

 Allow the feeling to pass but do not allow it to determine who you will be when it lasts.